We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I need to calm my uterus...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
