we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
