she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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