too bad you live with your parents still
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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