i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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