i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
