He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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