It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
