Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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