Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
