What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
