i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
