guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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