I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
