I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just want nice things and good sex
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
