Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
