he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just cropdusted the office
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
