Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Randomize
