So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
