I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
