seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's shark week go big or go home
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
