You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
