one might say we're banned from that church
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
