suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
