You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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