Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
