life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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