last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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