Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
