How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
