Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
