how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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