i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
