do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
