; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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