How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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