fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
