the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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