I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
