Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
