the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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