The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
tequila makes me forget i have legs
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
