I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
