You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
