Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
