In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
