You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You are a genius and a whore.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
