My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
