3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
