So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
