i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
