please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
