i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
