I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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