420 ftw
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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