I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
