College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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