Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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