How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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