i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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