ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
