Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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