I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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