i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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