My first STD was from a foam party
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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