Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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