exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Its about making memories worth repressing
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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