if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
