You smell like a Billy Joel song
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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