who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
