She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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