there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
COCAINE IS GR8
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