Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
