dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
