The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
