He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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