I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
