My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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