Don't you send me to vm
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
