I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
