im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
