i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Randomize
