literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize