wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
