you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
