your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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