Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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