walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
this will be a night to untag.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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